Hello there,

3.13.11 – I don’t have a photo again for today. But, I will post one from old times for fun. Today was a nice day because it was sunny and kind of warm, and I applied to some more jobs, which was productive. I did P90x, I had pizza and beer for lunch at Fat Sully’s, I got my microdermal piercing removed, which was a bummer that it rejected, but good that I got it removed for so cheap before it got worse. I had a nice breakfast at Hooked on Colfax, read Revolutionary Road (which is really good, makes me want to see the movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio). I wonder if they have it at Red Box, or maybe it’s too old now. I took a “nap” which was not really a nap because I didn’t sleep, I’ve just been taking an hour or so, or even several, and laying down in my bed, resting. It’s relaxing, and my kitties usually snuggle with me, which is sweet.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I know that I am 25, and I have a long life ahead of me. At the same time, life feels short, it feels fast. I find that when I think of how short life is, or about the hardships that we all will face throughout our lifetime, I want to have partner to share my time with, to make happy, to come home to, to work for so we can have a nice life and do fulfilling things. Life is a precious thing, and we don’t know how long we’re going to be here, so it’s important to be good to other people and be good to ourselves. Sometimes I am very filled with angst, ha, almost always I am filled with angst would be a more accurate statement. Is this normal? I don’t know, but I am also keenly aware of areas in which I can improve and what I need to do to live a more fulfilling life. I feel a bit powerless right now, in flux between different things, and it’s a bit uncomfortable.

I want to be happy. I am happy in the general sense, but the job thing and the companionship thing are the only areas I would change.

I think I am in need of a weekend trip to the mountains. I think it would absolutely do the trick to calm my nerves and press the reset button so to speak.

I have a feeling in my chest of hollowness. I have a feeling on the brink of tears. Why should I act strong and brave when I don’t always feel that way? Sometimes I wish for nothing more than for someone, some darling person to ride up on a white horse and rescue me from my own mind.

No one is going to rescue you. You need to be enough on your own. That’s the sort of thing I’ve always been told.

I want a hug and fun plans coming up. I want chocolate or ice cream and a new job that I LIKE. I want a vacation and a love to call my own. I want Leo to be here. I want red wine. I want to live in the mountains. I want to lead a simple life filled with good, simple, happy things. It will come….

Picture for the day is of me camping one very wet night in the Graveyard Fields in the Blueridge Mountains. It was terribly rainy and there was no dry wood, and it was cold, but we were determined to go anyway, and Gareth slaved away to build us the tiniest fire possible, but it was enough, and the wet wood caused a lot of smokiness. It was so pitch black, we could not see more than 2 feet away from us on either side. We got drunk on box wine. This is me pacing around the fire, on some kind of rant from the looks of it. I miss Asheville a lot. I am a very nostalgic person. I think now of that time in my life and it seems wonderful. I wish that I could go back. It seems that my curse is not being able to appreciate what I have before it’s gone, and then only can I see its tremendous value. It is a tragic thing to possess. How does one fix that?

Some other Asheville pictures:

The French Broad Chocolate Lounge, named after the French Broad River that flowed through the city. I used to get little cups of rich, thick, hot chocolate with cardamom and pistachio.

Here are some cute little figures I took a picture of in one of art galleries in town, there were so many, Asheville was all about art and culture. It was called “the Paris of the south”. I went to galleries a lot on the weekends when Gareth worked at the Bier Garden.

Here is the Fine Arts Cinema on Biltmore. I went here a lot too, they showed two new movies every two weeks, and I usually saw both of them. I almost always went to this theater alone, and I would take old time candy from the Mast General Store across the street or I would take in a good craft beer from the French Broad Food Co-op up the street.

Flowers on Chestnut Street on my usual walk home from downtown. The southern sun would get so hot. There were beautiful bed and breakfasts on this street and many professional offices. Most professional offices in the neighborhood were in big, beautiful old houses.

The Orange Peel was an awesome music venue, it reminded me the High Noon Saloon. I saw GWAR there…

Best burritos EVER!

Old Europe Bistro. When my mom came to visit in early November, we took her here right after the airport and we got cocktails. This is on Lexington, and the street is paved with cobblestones. I am going to explode with sentimentality and nostalgia right now. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness…what wonderful memories, why do they make me so sad?

Mellow Mushroom pizza, delicious! I came here on my lunch break from the BBB and would get a single slice of pepperoni and a soda, and it was about $3.00. The inside was painted really cool with psychadelic art, and all the workers were really chill.

Ahh, the Charlotte Street Pub. This was located just a stone’s throw from my apartment on Albemarle Road, named after the Albemarle Sound, which is on the east coast of the state. I remember many nights at this pub, but they allowed smoking here (one of the few spots in town) and it got unbearable sometimes. There was a really nice bartender named Connor.

Rosebud video! This, too, was very nearby my apartment, which was so perfect because I watched a lot of movies. They had the best selection and it was organized in the best way! There an older guy who owned it and worked there, and he always had his dog there too. I always called it Four Star by mistake, and only by the time we were moving back to Madison did I start calling it Rosebud.

Smokey’s! This was a gay bar downtown, near Mellow Mushroom actually. It was one of the first bars, if not the first, we ever went to in Asheville. Many bars in Asheville make you pay five dollars and get a membership card, or you can just sign in as a guest. I was a card-carrying member of Broadway’s, but not Smokey’s. I got so TRASHED at Broadway’s…we would come to Smokey’s sometimes to play pool, and I brought my mom here when she visited. There was a cool jazz club next door.

The Speakeasy. I loved this place. It was a punk rock venue in a bar located beneath the street. It was dark and grungy, and awesome and I had so many good times here. Saw that band Pussy Pirates here, and they were really cool.

Here I am at the Boiler Room, another little music venue on the other side of town. We were seeing a friend’s band play that night. It had, predictably, a gigantic old boiler in the center of the room, if I remember correctly. This place was located right by a night club called Scandals.