Wow, I just took a bite of ginger. Spicey batch! The hot Cambric tea I drank after made it extra spicy. A Cambric tea is one made with hot water, milk, and sugar, and is something of a misnomer for what I am drinking, though not entirely. The tea I most often order is a Rooibos tea latte with soy and whip cream, which contains all the elements of the above, but is less basic. I really like it! Cambric tea is also described as a drink for children.

Got the couch and coffee table in the homestead last night. The man I spoke with about the mattress showed up in a pickup truck with two cronies, and the mattress was not the one in the picture, but a small, stained one that looked as though he got it in an alley after it had been discarded. I realized they were running some sort of racket, and I told them I just couldn’t take it. They were nice about it and offered to go back to “the warehouse” and get a different one, but that it would cost more. Pffft. Please.

Rode my bike to St. Mark’s, read The Orchid Thief. A few passages I liked:

“Oh, mystery, beauty, unknowability, I suppose,” he said, shrugging. “Besides, I think the real reason is that life has no meaning. No obvious meaning.” – As to why collectors obsess so heavily over orchids.

“I suppose I do have one unembarrassing passion–I want to know what it feels like to care about something passionately.”

“His life seemed to be filled with things that were just like the ghost orchid–wonderful to imagine and easy to fall in love with but a little fantastic and fleeting and out of reach.”

Fantastic and fleeting and out of reach…

Stopped by Lost Lake for a drink with some kiddos. We got a little photo booth crazy, and it ate our photos again, I fear. Bike ride home was wonderful in the most perfect of summer nights. Blue black velvet firmament rife with twinkling white stars (the word firmament has the most wonderful definition: the vault of heaven; sky). Riding through Cheeseman Park and feeling the wind on my face, the expansiveness of the land, and the rumor of unsettled spirits made the whole thing feel very magical, somehow nostalgic. It is said that Cheeseman Park is built on an old burial ground, I believe, is the story.

An alley that looked very pretty under moonlight and streetlamp:

Another wonderful word, amaranthine: unfading, everlasting

To find a love like amaranth or perhaps a love amaranthine in character or quality.

Lots to do. Lots on the brain.


Went to Nederland on Saturday. Listened to an 80s mix my dad had in the car. We hiked around the Barker reservoir to the dam. On the way a tire came flying through the canyon and was just feet in front of me when it passed. It would have knocked me into the reservoir. We had a beer at the Pioneer Inn, and then came home. There was a car accident in front of us, a car got totaled, airbags off, the whole thing. It was scary. Had some friends over that night. We drank wine. I felt sicker than I’ve been in a long time on Sunday. I think it was a combination of a bad reaction to medication and vitamin B toxicity. I have been sleeping on a box spring, and I don’t recommend it. I have also been dealing with a broken heart, and I would recommend avoiding that too, it is terrible. I feel again that old familiar sting, that feeling where I know it is not helpful to feel sad, but all I can do is try to hold myself together. I feel like I will never know love again, like I am better off dead. I can hardly walk amongst the living for fear of tears. I hope that people won’t talk to me because I will just fall apart. I did the best I could. I gave as much as I could. I thought I was doing right. My best wasn’t enough, I guess. My hearts feels like a rock in the middle of my chest, a dead weight pulling down towards my intestines.

People are talking about how much they have to do at work, how their calendar “just doubled”. Give me a break.

A day at a time. Just do this a day at a time. I wish I lived far away from Robbie. I knew this would happen. I should go back to Wisconsin. There’s nothing for me here. Six months, maybe I’ll give it six months. I’m going to be okay, I’ll get through this.

I saw these kitties on Saturday:

I got to ride with my friend on his motorycle on Friday to Aurora. We went thrifting, and I got some great stuff. A big purse with jungle animals embroidered on it. A beautiful blue sweater, and a black dress I am wearing now. Here I am with a big head:

Here I come with my tail between my legs, again, Blog. I always say it, like an alcoholic who can’t keep their word, “I promise to come back every day, it won’t be like last time.” It’s baloney, Blog, but my intentions are true if that means anything.

I think the potential for new beginnings is rife. New apartment starting tomorrow, “I’ll take Pennsylvania Avenue for $675”. It’s located on a street in Capitol Hill just up the street from an old, Gothic cathedral and a new bar called Prohibition that makes good sweet potato fries. Sweet potato fries give me a twinge of heartache because they harken be back to that other city in those other mountains, where I first discovered their sweet, yet savory goodness. In any event, it’s cute, and it has a breakfast nook. New car, and fall seems just around the corner, and I always feel like a flower that bursts into life when the temperature drops and the wind blows colder. Fall is like a dear friend who never imposes, but whose arrival you eagerly await for weeks.

Plans to enter the snowboarding realm this winter. It is a must do. I want something that gives me a thrill, takes my breathe away, like the feeling of driving very fast or what I imagine it would feel like to hang glide or fly with a jet pack.

Last weekend Robbie and I checked a few more places off on our list of fantastic restaurants in Denver. In preparation for the event I asked around to find out what some of my co-workers liked the best, paying close attention to what the Colorado natives preferred, but to my astonishment I got one big for the Cheesecake Factory and another for the 17th Avenue Grill. I would actually like to try the latter, but I was really aiming to impress. Robbie took me to TAG on my birthday, and memories of the hangar steak were fresh in memory. It would be tough to upstage that. I picked him up in my new ride, his chariot, my silver Volvo wagon I’ve affectionately named Priscilla or Priss or Scilla, whatever the mood. We drove downtown to the music of Santo and Johnny. First we went to the Cruise Room, a tiny martini lounge that is invisible from the street, but can only be entered through a door just inside the entrance of the Oxford Hotel. It is lit with red light and the bar glows blue. It was purportedly the first bar to open in Denver after Prohibition ended. Known for their vast collection of martinis and retro atmosphere, I thought it would be a great spot to take Robbie to start off the night and have a little fun. We both got dirty martinis and waitress gave us the extra in a glass, which I liked.

The theme song for Robbie’s birthday:

Robbie was very sharp in his denim shirt, brown pants, and his well-manicured mustachio. I spared no detail and had a boutonniere made for him. I wanted it to be a proper date as any lady and gentleman should have.

And I wore false hair.

After a few libations at the Cruise Room we drove to Marion and 6th where we would dine a tiny restaurant in a renovated Victorian house known as Fruition where the chef makes everything fresh from a local farm that he and the other chef own and help to tend. Fruition is known for exquisite flavor combinations, romantic atmosphere, an excellent wine list, and a dinner you will not soon forget. Robbie and I each ordered the Duchesse to drink, a beer that somehow reminds me of blood if we were vampires and cool blood in a goblet were the most delicious, luxurious thing one would want to drink. I love Duchesse. For appetizers we got (yes, I’m going to cut and paste):

Pasta Carbonara House-Cured Pork Belly, Hand-Made Cavatelli, Six Minute Egg, Parmesan Broth


Marinated Beef Tartare Fruition Farms Potato Chips, Micro Onion & Parsley, Black Truffle Hollandaise

Both fantastic, though I lean towards the pork belly.

For dinner Robbie got the duck breast and risotto, heaven. I got the grilled Bavette steak Au Poivr, whatever that means, right? I know it melted in my mouth and I wanted more.

A good night, to be sure.

Denver is beautiful.

Lightfield is a good boy. He requires patience and a lot of love. Sometimes I forget that.

Friday night on SoBo.

And a little friend sleeping on a couch in a closed store front.

And the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory on 16th Street Mall. Tom bought me a lot of chocolate, and I felt so tired afterward. Come on, body, what’s up? I thought these little Bubblegum Buddies were cute.

My friend, Tom. Tom was born in Louisiana, but grew up in Saudi Arabia, ages 8-18. He is totally American, but it is marked that his formative years were spent in a foreign country, you can tell only by his complete lack of knowledge of most pop cultural references I make, references that anyone his age would understand.

My co-worker, Maryann, made these little dresses for her granddaughter’s out of fairy-print pillowcases and ribbon. She even made a tiny one for their dolls. I thought it was very clever.

Summer dress season. I bought this one at Ross, such a bargain.

Must wake up. Feel so very tired. Would love to see Hesher tonight.

The weekend has been wonderful. Though I still have not found an apartment, I look every day, and with luck I will soon be in a place of my own, and can focus next on getting my own car. Hooray!

Let’s see…last week Marta and I went to Beauty Bar on 12th. It is very retro and colorful inside. We did some dancing and said a toast to our mutual friend, Josh, who is very dear to our hearts.

I wore my extensions that night too. Real human hair! I can’t wait for my own hair to be this long.

After work on Friday, the first sunny day in a long time, I walked home through City Park and sat in the grass. The sun was warm and my feet in the cool grass felt wonderful. I am so happy summer is coming.

Saturday morning had coffee and cake at City O’ City Bakery in Capitol Hill. I love it. I’m reading In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. It’s one of those books that I like immediately and look forward to reading.

The bathroom of City O’ City…can you find the lady…

For some reason, I enjoy this…

The steeples of the big, Gothic church on Colfax…

A pretty painting on the side of an uptown dispensary…

My big boy…(aka Apple of Mine Eye!)

On Saturday, Robbie took me to dinner at TAG, a restaurant in downtown Denver on Larimer Square. It was absolutely delicious! We got a bottle of red wine, Penelope Sanchez, and it was just the right amount of tart, a very good choice. We got pot stickers, an Angry Volcano Roll, Hangar Steak, and Boar Chops. It was all dreamy and wonderful. I will definitely go back! Thanks, Robbie honey. 🙂

Then, we went to the Avenue Theater uptown and saw Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a musical about an East German boy who get a sex change operation and moves to America with a GI and he leaver her, and then Hedwig becomes a singing sensation, and all the songs are so good. Hedwig meets Tommy, and teaches him everything he knows about music and they fall in love, and Tommy Gnosis betrays Hedwig. There are so many themes and undercurrents in the story. I love it. We had a great time.

And today I baked a peach pie, my first ever.



And…The Borgias tonight! Woot!

Lots of distractions, I’ve been so negligent. I’m sorry. I will do my best to not be that way in the future, though I make no promises.

The best milkshake from H Burger in downtown Denver. The burgers are great, but the real magic comes in the liquid nitrogen milkshakes that are so cold they are steaming when brought to your table. This is mine, the nutella with toasted marshmellows on top:

Later that night (Saturday before Easter Sunday) we went to the 4 year anniversary of Denver Dubstep party at one of our favorite spots, the Cervantes Ballroom & its counterpart, The Other Side:

There was a lady with a booth doing feather extensions, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. They’re clipped in with a metal bead and stay for several weeks without removing. You can wash, dry, curl, straighten them – anything you’d do with real hair. I get asked about that constantly. People seem very interested. I see girls wearing them every now and again.

An afternoon with my Leo and Robbie:

Been spending a bit of time at the Mercury Cafe, just a few blocks from where I live now in Curtis Park. I like the atmosphere and the eccentric waitstaff.

Red Rocks Amphitheater on a Saturday morning. People come out of the woodwork to do all kinds of crazy workouts. Marta and I ran the stairs, did a couple sun salutations towards the front range and ran the stairs down, back and forth. That reminds me I need to look into when Film on the Rocks starts. I just went to the web site and it didn’t list a schedule but offered a chance to submit what movies you’d like to see play this season. I entered 1. True Romance and 2. Oh Brother Where Art Thou.

I went back to Wisconsin last week to see my family and friends. It was so good to be home. I didn’t realize how much I missed it. I always feel like a big fish in a small pond when I go home, like life is so much easier, so much more manageable, and I feel really happy. Ha, who knows, maybe I’ll surprise everyone and end up back home after all. We went to AJ’s last 6th grade band concert on Tuesday night. He plays the trumpet.

Marta and I recently discovered the Lumonics Light & Sound Gallery in Denver, nestled quietly in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Inside is a carpeted gallery filled with sculptures made of fiber glass and filled with neon light, they are otherworldly and beyond compare. The artist is an 88-year-old woman named Dorothy Tanner. They held an event there a couple weeks back called Tao of Bass, and the evening started out with yoga, meditation, and Tai Chi. They also do some sort of healing rituals involving the lights that I do not fully understand, but after that, and evening during that, they have DJs who play dubstep and all kinds of fun electronic music and the lights go wild and everyone of every shape and size and age and point on their journey dances like no one was watching. I did. Here are Marta and I on that night:

The Lady, Marta

The Lady, Abigail

And things continue day by day, living with Ross, Peter, and the animals, to include Lightfield (LF). May will be over shortly, and then I may only have to be here for another month. I should, hopefully, know by July where and what I plan to do this fall. If that means Alaska or if that means staying in Denver and going to school, I should know. If it means staying in Denver, I think I will get my own place as soon as I can.

Speaking of animals…I was buying some toys and treats for Leo yesterday and I came across a rather disgusting little treat…a pig SNOUT! It seemed vile to me somehow. Imagine being in Pig world where pigs walked around in suits and their pig wives went shopping in their dresses and had their little piglet children squeeling in the shopping cart, “WEEEE WEEEE WEEEE MAMA OINK!” And Mama Pig would buy a human nose or a dog nose dried out and wrapped in cellophane for a really special treat. EW!

Picture of a woman who isn’t quite sure of herself and it drives her crazy.

This song is from Country Strong, not a very good movie, but I love this song, and I love the actor’s voice, Garret Hedlund. It’s so sexy, and makes me wish I had a country man to make me melt.

I love cookies

White Russians have made a resurgence in my life as of late. Love a good White Russian, plus I found this great lounge at the Greek Town Cafe. It’s awesome, charming, tiny, lovely.

And they make one hell of a Greek salad.

New roommate, Peter, and kitties bonding in my basement domain. Peter leaves for Death Valley on Monday for three weeks…just the twins together…I hope we get along!

I look nice, I don’t mind saying that. I won’t for long if I don’t cut the shit and get back to my fitness regimen. Very important to me. I want a bike NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! I can take the Cherry Creek Trail to work, 5 miles each way. Perfect. And yoga.

Me and nephew

I downloaded a camera app for my phone and it’s a lot of fun. I took some pictures of Ross and Peter.

I walked home today and stopped for dinner at a Thai restaurant on 17th. I ended up being the last patron there, and had the meal to myself for almost the entire thing. I was so hungry and got pad thai with pork and homemade coconut ice cream with hot plantains wrapped in what was like egg or spring roll flaky dough, and it was all wonderful.

I love to walk home on nights when the weather feels crisp and I like to walk through different neighborhoods and see the houses, see inside at their lives, the colors they paint their walls, the little items they’ve acquired in their homes and how they arrange them, so much beauty and comfort in a home, I want a home. I want a house that is my own. I want that now, and I want to fill it with things that are good and solid and durable and represent skill and thoughtfulness. I want a foundation to build on. I want to fix up an old, open, airy home and make it beautiful. I want to do that with someone I love, what a fantastic project. And I want to go camping, spend lots of time outdoors and exploring and cooking at home. Learning to cook lots of things and eating in my house with my shoes off, relaxed, and take it all in.

In two months time I will be in…

Aw, I love this silly song…it always make me feel so nostalgic, even though I’ve never been to San Francisco and I wasn’t alive when it was out…but it makes me think of the 60s and how fascinating it must have been to be there, and it makes me think of my aunt Terrie with long blonde hair.

Berry season is coming. 🙂 I love berries. They are little orbs filled with life and health.

Homemade Chinese wontons at Ross and Peter’s (and my house now!)

With sticky rice!

Lightfield in his sweet, little coat that Jen made for him. He reminds me of a little, tiny Russian boyer in this coat.

Flag photo shoot at Ross’. A re-enactment of the famed flag photo from my senior pictures minus the beach scene and wind blown look.

I made “the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world” for Brian. I found the recipe on google. Walnuts were in it.

A cute little cafe that sells gelato, tea, coffee, and pastries on 17th. It is inside a little house, and glowed yellow and blue as I walked home on Friday night.

Boxing match for Red Hot Rob Frankel! I had a lot of fun at Red and Jerry’s with Brian and the people he works with. Brian was taking photos as a member of the press.

Brian came over the other night and he brought me a present…Candyland!! I couldn’t believe it!


I am feeling really good about moving into Ross and Peter’s. My little den in the basement is going to be very cozy and I will fill it with candles and white Christmas lights. I want to get soft, red sheets and a big Indian-themed comforter and have it be totally soothing. I want to decorate the walls and burn incense, and the back room will be the zen room for watching movies or smoking or drinking tea or talking or making love. It too will be lit with little twinkling lights on strings. Spring is here. My birthday is soon. I have a new man in my life who is very special. I am going to SF in May with Ross, and things are generally going pretty well in life. I want to get some new projects underway though, and Ross and Peter will be excellent inspiration and motivation to do that. They are good role models. Camping and hiking season is coming soon, can’t wait!!!


I’m hot in my apartment.

I want to go outside. I’m going to as soon as I post this.

Two Abyssinians, Abigail and Matilda. Very sweet cats who live at Dr. C and Linda’s house, where Marta lives.

We went to Whole Foods and got steaks to make on the grill.

I loved this dress and hat. I suggested we wear dresses and big hats when we go to Jazz in the Park this summer.

Cute cupcakes at Whole Foods. I took a picture and the lady in bakery looked at me, and I said, “Sorry, I hope it’s not against the rules to take a picture.” And she says, “Nothing’s against the rules at Whole Foods.” Awesome.

Great song. I bought the album today. I can’t stop dancing to it.


May 2018
« Dec